Dustin Hartley Brand

Apr 16 2014

Yelling at Guy Who Washes His Hands Way Too Much & Loves Chocolate Cake

There is this man. He is obsessed with washing his hands. It appears that he also loves chocolate cake. 

Each evening, we here at the RCF get a snack. It’s usually something sweet that makes me worry about my weight but also prevents me from craving sugar late into the night. 

A fellow named Eli has a birthday today, so we were treated to chocolate cake. Everyone was supposed to get one slice of cake, but James threw a big temper tantrum about the rule, though he’d already had two pieces of cake. 

The CNA/CMA tried to get the crazy guy back to his room, but he still ran around acting like an ass clown. I yelled at his crazy self, hollering for him to shut up and stop behaving in such a way. The crazy man must be in his 50s or older; he looked like one of those guys who’s led a hard life and has aged prematurely.

Meanwhile, another resident, who is very skittish, grabbed the back of my shirt and said, “He won’t hit her [the CMA], will he?!” I told her no.

After that, I got my glass of milk and a slice of cake, and the crazy man made himself at least a little more scarce.

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Apr 14 2014

Loser

I’ve never held a job. I’ve never had a lasting intimate relationship. I’ve really been successful in any facet of life. I’m a loser.

I sometimes have thought that people are just creatures —,my fellow humans — much like me. I thought that people were often unfair to me, or that people shouldn’t do some of the mean or rude or otherwise unpleasant behaviors.  

Other people are like me after all. Both they and I want the best of all possible worlds. So I consider game theory, and I realize that we’re all playing to attain the best of all possible worlds.

Here I am, a fool. A loser. And everyone else is a chess piece, which I must play wisely because life is a game, and I’ve been losing it to an illusion.

Apr 13 2014

Apr 12 2014

Handsy

A midget haunts the RCF. His name is Daniel and he has one of the strangest bodies I’ve ever seen: He has a normal-to-large sized head, a fat torso complete with gynecomastia; his limbs (arms and legs) are exceptionally thin. 

I’m not too pretty myself, so I will not expound upon the physical abnormalities he has. Maybe some other day. But for now, I want to briefly mention a bad habit of his.

Daniel likes to touch other people. Yesterday, he played with a woman’s hair. Today, he scratched a man’s back and then slapped the man’s belly. He goes around the tables near meal time to hug old ladies. He’s touched me and others. 

Staff has admonished him to discontinue his touching other residents, but he still does it anyway.

1 note

Apr 11 2014

Butts

What’s wrong with pants today? Everybody’s jeans rear pockets have glittery designs on them. That’s forgivable, even on jeans. I guess. I personally don’t like jeans: not how they feel when I wear them and not how they look on females.

The jeans are doing butts no favor. The glittery designs, I hypothesize, are the new tramp stamps.

My real concern here is that those jeans and other pants have been exposing people’s butts. I’m not really much of an ass man anyway, which I think has something to do with butts’ harboring anuses.

Here’s why I mention this: Over the years I’ve seen dozens of females wearing pants that expose their cracks. Here are the RCF, one of the female cooks has a fair portion of her ass exposed while in the kitchen, which I would think violates some sort of code of conduct.

And it’s not just the women. Men sometimes expose their butts in much the same way.

I guess that there’s just something wrong with me for not seeing the beauty in mid-ass jeans. 

Apr 10 2014

Mouthwash Thief

Here at the care facility, the hall aides are supposed to get each resident’s mouthwash, pour it into a med cup, and set it in front of each resident’s shower baskets.

For the past three nights, my mouthwash has been missing, though the hall aide says that she has been putting my mouthwash in front of my basket (and I do not doubt her on this point).

So how is it that my mouthwash goes missing? Why would anyone choose to take mine, instead of someone else’s? 

I must catch the thief who pilfers my dental hygiene product!

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Even though the actions of godly and wise people are in God’s hands, no one knows whether God will show them favor. The same destiny ultimately awaits everyone, whether righteous or wicked, good or bad, ceremonially clean or unclean, religious or irreligious. Good people receive the same treatment as sinners, and people who make promises to God are treated like people who don’t.

Ecclesiastes 9:1-2

"Good people receive the same treatment as sinners…"

Apr 09 2014

Ultimate Warrior defames Hulk Hogan. RIP

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Ultimate Warrior, homophobe
RIP?

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